@nigeldgreen I still only have half a shaved face and I have to go out in ten minutes

@andyc @basil And so you should. Support local businesses. Then you can look at the couple hoping to get a post lockdown drink and say "Ooh the fook are they? Not seen them in ere before." 🀣

For the love of the pond gods! 10:44 am, and I still haven't shaved.

@basil @andyc Hence my reference to Derek and the half a mild. You can just picture Gaz the scaffolder moaning he couldn't get in and having peered over the fence saying, "I didn't recognise anyone in the garden!" (In a broad Dudley accent)

Hey, @tig loving all these books you recommend that cover a subject close to my heart. I learnt a new phrase today: "When does the map become the landscape?"

So this is classic "My Family."

I asked my daughter Hannah what she is working this week as the wife is on nights and I have to go to a customer and the dog is a bit of a problem as he'll do his nut.

It was decided Thursday would be best and then suddenly the wife is all "Shall we go to the new fashion outlet on Thursday Hannah?"

Wait, what? Thursday? I just asked Monique to call round and pick up her USB and guess what? "OK, Dad, I'll come Thursday" fook me! Are you doing this deliberately?

I don't generally like these sorts of tweets but I can't stop crying with laughter at the "measuring" part.
twitter.com/cheembeam/status/1

@basil @tpheine Yeah. Course, you've got (had) your homeless one Johnson & Johnson. πŸ˜‰

Oi @tig I love the concept of "Can you hear me, mother?"

I have applied to the government for a grant to research the possibility of getting your scrotum to talk to you. The project will be titled. Tig talks bollocks. 🀣 πŸ˜‰

@tpheine Pffft. A man of my importance doesn't have the peasant solution of AstraZeneca; I have the expensive Pfizer!

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