dick_turpin @dick_turpin@mastodon.org.uk

All day I have been back and forth with a customer who wants CorelDraw on a laptop that he's bought from me. Still, he can't find his disc that, I hasten to add, he used back in 2018 to put said software on his PC. I've quoted him the latest version of it, but he's still trying to find some magical way of putting on his laptop something he does not have! 🤦‍♂️

What I love about Glastenbury is the unexpected. The Gabriels came on, and the wife and I were like: "Who's this silly sod in a cape?" by the end of the performance, we were both: "That was BRILLIANT!"
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0c8yk3s/glastonbury-gabriels

At least BBC News will be better given they will spend the week orgasming over Wimbledon.

How to piss suppliers off. Order 9 Office 2021

"FFS! Couldn't they have ordered 10?"

The problem with mad people is they don't know they're mad!

I just had 'one of the lads' try to convince me he plays the drums; however, he plays them with some program that tells him which drum to hit, a bit like painting by numbers only for drums. He even showed me a video, which was excruciating to watch, of him whacking bits of plastic to prove, in his mind, that he does "Play the drums" How I never wet myself when he admitted: "But if I turn the program off I'm screwed." 🤦‍♂️ 🥁

Dear Samsung Android mobile experts.
I cannot text one of my contacts from the phone if I type the message out directly on my phone. The green arrow send button is, for want of a better word, greyed out. However, if I use the MS Phone Link app on my PC I can text them. Any ideas?

The wife and I are officially old.

𝗠𝗲: "Glastenbury starts this week; Billie Eilish is headlining. I don't think I know any of her songs?"

𝗪𝗶𝗳𝗲: "Her? I thought Billy was a bloke?"

🤣 🤣 😘

I went to a family BBQ yesterday, and it was actually enjoyable for once. I especially enjoyed my brother-in-law and SIL saying, "Hello, stranger!"

𝗧𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗦𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻
Why do people phone you, start reeling off an inventory of requirements, tell you not to bother making notes as they have it all typed out ready to send you in an email, tell you they need it "like yesterday," and then you sit waiting and waiting and waiting for the goddam email! 🤦‍♂️

I went through a machine similar to this today, although there are no what I presume were x-ray plates that scarily moved extremely close to my body in this picture. I was not too fond of the drug and the radioactive material they pumped into me. It made me feel like crap.
#DickyTicker

The wife made some alien concoction at the weekend. She cloned the M&S Rhubarb and Elderflower Cordial cake. It doesn't sound very alien. But here's the mystery. It is a very light spongecake affair tastes really lovely. The wife put it in the fridge, and it went hard as in dried out; she took it out of the fridge, and it went moist again! 😱 👽

𝗧𝘄𝗮𝘁-𝗪𝗵𝗼-𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗲-𝗢𝘂𝗿-𝗖𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗿: "Can you get the SIM at Drayton checked out? The speed is dire."

Sure, we'll put a SIM in with a Go-Fast stripe down the side. 🤦‍♂️

buff.ly/3suuJbj

Original Tweet: https://twitter.com/LiverpoolSOUP/status/1534804755486228480

In 1981 I spent a week's wages on Grolsch in this pub. The amount of money I pissed away over the years. 🤦‍♂️

My missus drove me nuts over the last few days, going on and on about "Street Parties." Yesterday was almost the final straw when she said: "Well! People are supposed to be having street parties today, yet look at that rain!" I was so sick of hearing it that I almost chucked her in the car to go and hunt down a goddam party to offload her on.

Sadly, I think Boris needs to go. While his quaint English bumbling was slightly endearing in an eccentric way that only a British person would probably understand, there are far too many examples of ignorance and arrogance that he needs to take responsibility for.

Getting ready